Illegal Advice Too

1. Bob's Playground Scare With Toddler James

Timestamp: 00:02:29 to 00:06:18

Bob recounts taking his increasingly independent son James to a wooden castle playground where a stack of tractor tires created an open vertical drop next to the slide. Bob had to dive underneath the tire hole twice to redirect James back to the slide before also watching James return a dropped cell phone to a frantic mother. Bob concludes that warmer weather will bring an exciting year of playground adventures and minor parental heart attacks.

Significance (Low): Establishes the relatable personal catch-up segment of the podcast and earns Bob his first point of the game for the 'Suicide Hole' story.

Sources in support: Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible)

Neutral sources: Markiplier (Host of Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible)

2. Wade Battles Yard-Destroying Cincinnati Deer

Timestamp: 00:07:37 to 00:13:08

Wade complains that after a cycle of snow and rain in Cincinnati, deer trampled his yard into mud and destroyed Molly's bird feeders. The conversation shifts to hunting, where Wade admits he hated his one real hunting trip because he dislikes unnecessary killing, though all three hosts agree that mosquitoes serve no positive purpose and deserve to be wiped out. They wrap up the small-talk segment by joking about hybrid vampire deer-mosquitoes.

Significance (Low): Highlights Wade's self-described hypocrisy around eating meat while disliking hunting, netting him his opening point for the deer rant.

Sources in support: Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible), Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible)

3. Markiplier's Nightmare Group Dinner Service

Timestamp: 00:13:08 to 00:17:10

Markiplier describes taking his party of eight editors out to dinner after a week of work, only to endure a baffled host and a waitress who disappeared for twenty minutes at a time. The waitress left their drink tray on an adjacent table for Markiplier to distribute himself, while nearby tables seated later received full meals before Markiplier's group even finished getting appetizers. Markiplier uses this real-world frustration to launch the episode's core 'Illegal Advice' game.

Significance (Medium): Sets up the premise of the episode's competition by grounding the absurd advice prompts in a genuine hospitality failure.

Sources in support: Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

Neutral sources: Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible)

4. Exhaust-Pipe Bread and Planted Locker Drugs

Timestamp: 00:17:10 to 00:22:06

Asked how to illegally handle the terrible waiter, Wade first admits he would meekly tolerate bad service in real life before suggesting stuffing stale restaurant bread into the server's car exhaust pipe so it explodes. Bob counters with a scheme to plant an 8-ball of cocaine from his car into the waiter's employee locker and tip off the manager to get immediate VIP treatment. The trio then pauses to look up the exact weight of an 8-ball, learning it equals 3.5 grams or one-eighth of an ounce.

Significance (High): Produces multiple game points for both contestants, including Wade's honest self-deprecation and Bob's crime-drama framing.

Sources in support: Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

5. Olive Garden on the Moon and Mob Revenge

Timestamp: 00:22:06 to 00:25:52

Wade and Bob deduce that Markiplier's earlier 'when you're here, you're family' clue referred to Olive Garden and unleash a rapid-fire series of themed escalations. Their pitches include putting the waiter in concrete shoes for betraying the family, calling Vin Diesel to yell about family, leaving a revenge baby on the server's doorstep, and tricking a waitress at an Olive Garden on the moon into opening the door without a spacesuit. Markiplier declares the restaurant problem thoroughly solved.

Significance (High): Delivers one of the episode's highest-scoring comedic runs, with Bob earning two separate points for identifying Olive Garden and setting it on the moon.

Sources in support: Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

6. Baggage Claim Crowds Met With Stench Clouds

Timestamp: 00:25:54 to 00:31:24

Markiplier introduces his second grievance: travelers at airport baggage claim who crowd directly against the metal carousel and block everyone standing politely back. After briefly criticizing Southwest for ending free checked bags, Bob suggests going eight days without bathing before a flight to build a physical, debris-filled 'Pig-Pen' force field of body odor. The hosts also riff on hiding a fart-spray fog machine in their pants and laughing at internet videos of fart spray blown into inflatable costumes.

Significance (Medium): Captures a universally recognizable travel annoyance and earns Bob points for both the Pig-Pen stench barrier and the inflatable suit prank tangent.

Sources in support: Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible)

7. Wade's Conveyor Belt Sandpaper and Anvil Traps

Timestamp: 00:31:24 to 00:35:10

Escalating the baggage claim prompt, Wade proposes carrying 'travel sandpaper' to tape onto the luggage carousel and grinding a line-cutter's face against it as the belt loops around. Bob counters by blending into a crowd of nuns with a carbon-fiber Assassin's Creed hidden blade to stab the person's hand right as they reach for their suitcase. Wade and Markiplier finish the round by rigging the carousel to drop giant ceiling anvils or hypnotize travelers into luggage shredders.

Significance (Medium): Showcases the cartoon-physics escalation of the podcast, scoring points for travel sandpaper, Assassin's Creed blades, and ceiling anvils.

Sources in support: Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

8. Stopping Aquarium Glass Tappers With Shark Magic

Timestamp: 00:35:10 to 00:41:50

Markiplier sets the third scene at an aquarium where an unruly child repeatedly taps on the glass exhibits. Wade suggests trapping the kid inside a pop-up portable glass enclosure so the whole crowd can tap on it, or dangling the child into a piranha tank like a cartoon skeleton. Bob outdoes him by bringing Maui's non-metallic magical fish hook through security, transforming his upper body into a shark, and biting the child's hand off before turning back into a human.

Significance (High): Generates one of the standout bits of the episode with Bob's half-shark transformation and follow-up self-sacrificing Deep Blue Sea shark gag.

Sources in support: Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

9. Cloning and Fake Photos for Slow Sidewalk Walkers

Timestamp: 00:41:50 to 00:46:41

For the final scenario, Markiplier describes a slow couple taking up the entire width of a guarded walkway flanked by speeding cars and subway trains. Bob uses a special cloning ability to form a human chain across the path, forcing the couple off the edge into Frogger-style traffic, and later pitches dumping a tanker of nuclear waste in the park's lot. Meanwhile, Wade uses photo technology to fabricate compromising pictures of the boyfriend 'Brad' to break up the couple on the spot.

Significance (High): Contrasts Bob's sci-fi mass-destruction solutions with Wade's psychological warfare, earning points for both contestants.

Sources in support: Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

10. Human Kissipede, Tusk, and Captain America

Timestamp: 00:46:41 to 00:49:25

Pushing the sidewalk scenario to its most grotesque extreme, Wade jokes about breaking the couple's limbs and sewing their mouths together into a 'human kissipede,' before immediately swinging to the harmless alternative of jogging past in a Captain America costume yelling 'On your left.' In between, Bob references the Justin Long horror movie Tusk, where an arrogant podcaster is surgically turned into a walrus, suggesting they 'tusk' the slow walkers into patchy meerkats.

Significance (High): Delivers the wildest tonal swing of the episode—from body-horror parody to a polite Marvel reference—which Markiplier later cites as one of the biggest laughs.

Sources in support: Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Markiplier (Host of Distractible)

11. Markiplier Tallies Scores and Bob Wins by One

Timestamp: 00:49:25 to 00:55:48

Markiplier tallies the base game points, counting 11 for Bob and 10 for Wade after a high-scoring episode. Rolling a three on the bonus wheel spins up 'wearing the least amount of clothes' (won by Wade, who isn't wearing socks or an undershirt, tying the score), 'biggest laughs' (decided by a coin toss in Bob's favor since both were equally hilarious), and a viewer point that cancels out. Bob wins the episode by one point and credits Wade as his comedic muse.

Significance (High): Resolves the competitive arc of the episode, crowning Bob the winner and setting up the next episode's hosting duties.

Sources in support: Markiplier (Host of Distractible), Bob (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible), Wade (Co-host and Contestant on Distractible)